Over the weekend, a reader emailed me with a great question. Take a gander below at what Anonymous asked:
I'm a guy, but my girlfriend is a 34dd (so she says), and I was hoping you might have a suggestion. I always tell her that her bras just don't fit her - she looks like she is falling out of them in the front, and the back just seems loose. She did get measured at VS, and they said 34dd like 5 years ago, so she has always gone with that size. We have only been dating 6 months, so I don't want to insult her by pushing it, but I feel like I should just buy her another size, like a 32 something, but not sure the best way to approach it without insulting her. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance.
My first reaction was, "Grrr! Victoria's Secret, you machine of lingerie failure! Curse you, behemoth of full bust despair!". Then, I realized how delicate this topic is and how many of my readers might be struggling with it in their own lives. I'd love to read your reactions in the comments and I'm sure Anonymous would appreciate them too. Here are my ideas:
Once, I cut off all my hair for fun. When my boyfriend-at-the-time saw my new pixie locks, he told me it was the worst thing I could've done with my hair and he would have a difficult time being "romantic" with me because now I resembled his middle aged mom. Last spring, I died half my hair platinum blonde and I looked straight-up cray. Mr. Underpinnings told me I'd look beautiful no matter what and that it'd be easy to fix, if I wanted to. In any conversation about a woman's body, sensitivity and respect are key.
Bad hair cuts & ill fitting bras: Boyfriends, be gentle.
I wouldn't recommend buying her another size. When I first went off the college, my mom actually tried this with me. Bless her heart. She knew my bras looked weird so she ordered a bunch of Title Nine bras in various sizes. Unfortunately, jumping from a 34DD Victoria's Secret bra to a 32E Title Nine didn't do a world of difference. I was still left falling out, sagging, and generally looking like a hot mess. If your girlfriend is really a 28F or a 30H, one band smaller won't improve her fit problems significantly. Your best option is a professionally trained fitter who can give her a world of size options.
At the store, we have supportive husbands, boyfriends, and family members come in all the time to buy their ladies gift cards. We hear how these women "desperately need new bras" or "will definitely need a fitting". It's not unusual to notice that your female friend is wearing the wrong size or that her old bras are dead. We like to joke that these extreme cases are "bra interventions" and (I can't stress this enough!) they happen all the time. If you live near a lingerie boutique or fitting department, I'd suggest taking your girlfriend there. It's a cool date idea! She'd probably appreciate the moral support too. If you aren't located within a reasonable driving distance of a consultant, I would recommend either the excellent size calculator on The Sophisticated Pair's website or the Skype fitting sessions with Claire from the Butterfly Collection. There are fantastic resources out there and she might just need a small hint as to where they might be.
What do you think of Anonymous' dilemma? Have you ever told someone that you think they might be wearing the wrong size? How did it go? Has any family member/boyfriend/friend told you that they think your bras didn't fit you?